An Open Letter to Consumers of the Photography Industry

From your caffeine-saturated, emotionally stable-ish, professionally unbothered photographer ☕📸

A slightly satirical low-key serious letter to the consumer

Dear Client,

(And by “client,” I mean the person who landed on my moody-fine-art-composite portfolio and somehow decided I’m the perfect choice for their “we want everything natural, unedited, candid, and totally not artsy” session. My work is literally paintings with a pulse.)

I adore what I do. I love making art. I love crafting portraits that stop people mid-scroll and make them gasp. I love good light, people who trust the process, and clients who understand that photography is a skill—not sorcery.

But sometimes… y’all test the ISO limits of my patience.
So today, in the spirit of transparency and self-care, here are the things photographers wish we could say—but usually whisper into our lens caps.

Things Photographers Really Want to Say

(But we don’t, because we enjoy having electricity and paying rent.)

1. My Prices Are Not Apple Store Negotiable.

No, you cannot “bundle” a full session, three composites, 27 retouched photos, and your cousin’s headshots for the price of two iced lattes and your eternal gratitude.
I’m a photographer, not Facebook Marketplace.

Photography is labor, training, equipment worth more than my car, and hours of editing fueled by caffeine and hope.

If you want a bargain—great! But please don’t ask me to discount my livelihood like I’m running a garage sale.

2. Pinterest Is Cute, But It’s Not a Shot List.

I love inspiration. Bring me the vibe. Bring me the mood. Bring me the aesthetic.

What I cannot do is:
• re-create images taken in Iceland while we’re standing in a parking lot,
• make your 2 p.m. appointment look like golden hour that doesn’t exist,
• or Photoshop you into a fantasy scene for free because “it shouldn’t take that long.”

Pinterest is for ideas.
I am for reality.
We work together to find the sweet spot in between.

3. Please Stop Telling Me Your Last Photographer Did It Cheaper.

I’m thrilled Linda down the street charged you $40 and a handshake. Wonderful. Truly. I hope you two are very happy together.

But you are here now—standing in my studio, expecting artwork that looks like a Renaissance painting and editing that took me years of training to perfect.

Comparing me to your discount photographer is like walking into a steakhouse and saying, “McDonald's only charges a dollar.”
Yes. Correct. And look at what you get.

4. I Cannot Edit Your Self-Esteem.

I can:
• smooth skin
• remove blemishes
• tame flyaways
• sharpen details

I cannot:
• Photoshop you into the height you wish you were
• make you look like you slept 14 hours voluntarily
• erase the consequences of your life choices
• turn your “I only like photos from this one angle under a specific moon phase” insecurity into inner peace

Photography enhances.
Therapy heals.
We are cousins, not twins.

5. “Just One More Photo” Is Not a Personality Trait.

Once the session is over, it’s over.
My camera does not run on friendship.
My memory card is not your emotional support animal.

I love enthusiasm. I do.
But after the third “just one more,” you are no longer making a request—you are holding me hostage with a soft smile.

6. Your Emergency Is Not My Editing Deadline.

Booking a session two weeks ago does not entitle you to ask for a full gallery tomorrow because “we need the photos ASAP.”

Ma’am. Sir. Artistically inclined human.
You have known about this event longer than I have known you existed.

My editing queue is not a Black Friday checkout lane.

Rush fees exist because time is real and so is burnout.

7. If You Want Magazine-Quality Images, You Must Give Me Magazine-Quality Cooperation.

This includes:
• being on time
• trusting the process
• allowing me to pose you
• not arguing with the laws of physics
• not insisting your left eyebrow “never cooperates”
• not ignoring everything I told you in the prep guide

I can make magic.
But I cannot rewrite the universe.

8. Once Your Gallery Is Delivered, I Am Spiritually Free.

Your photos have been curated, polished, exported, backed up twice, uploaded, and possibly blessed by a small candle.

That is the end of the journey. The finish line. The outro credits.
This is not a choose-your-own-adventure book with bonus editing rounds.

If you want extra retouching after delivery, fabulous—
but that is a new service, with new pricing, and new emotional turbulence for me in Photoshop.

In Conclusion…

I love creating art.
I love working with people who trust me.
I love transforming a simple moment into something worthy of wall space and awe.

All I ask is this:
Respect my time.
Respect my craft.
Respect the process.

And please—for the love of all things well-lit—stop asking me to “just Photoshop it real quick.”

With sass, sincerity, and a shutter speed faster than my patience,
Your Charming, Chaos-Tolerant, Professionally Savage Photographer
💋📸✨